Thursday, April 30, 2015

bump #95: 6 weeks

Ollie Bear is 6 weeks old today.

He makes a lot more baby sounds lately. Nothing that at all resembles any actual words, but sweet little sounds nonetheless. He also snores, which I love because I'm the mom that will hover over him all night to ensure that he's still breathing. I still do that, but his snoring is reassuring. He also drools on occasion, but now I'm just bragging :)

He weighs 8 pounds 6 ounces, nurses every two hours, and destroys at least 12 diapers a day. The pediatrician said he is in the 9th percentile which sounds low to me, but he is gaining weight and growing so I'm not worried. In fact, once these newborn diapers are done (probably in the next couple hours!) he is moving up to size 1. 

We spend A LOT of time here changing diapers!
I am so grateful for my 8 week maternity leave and all the time I've gotten to spend with him. It will be hard to go back to work, but the bonus of teaching is that Summer break is right around the corner and that's another 8 weeks of special bonding time. Yay! In the meantime I scheduled all our doctor's appointments this week... my 6 week post birth follow up, a dentist appointment, and his check up. Maternity leave is great for getting all that stuff done. And my C-section is all healed up with minimal scarring. To be honest, I still have a 6 month pregnant looking belly so there is literally a fat roll that covers the incision, making it practically invisible. Hooray for distracting layers of chub. Obesity for the win! I gained almost 30 pounds from pre-fertility treatment to pregnancy, to delivery. And at this point I've only lost 15. Oops. But aside from none of my clothes fitting, I don't really care. I've never been the image of fitness so why start now?!

Even though he's still so tiny and brand new, I think I've already made a few parenting mistakes... I breastfeed on demand which means constantly so he is not on any kind of schedule, and I pick him up immediately whenever he cries. Even though Oliver has a Rock 'n Play Sleeper and a Mamaroo bouncer, he fusses unless he is being held. So I hold him all the time.  Even though he has a crib and a bassinet, he sleeps best in our bed (safely don't worry!). So I'm not really getting any sleep ever. Oh well, I've got plenty of time to figure out this parenting thing. And first babies are trial runs, right?!

Oliver goes back and forth on whether he likes his bouncers or not. This week it's a firm NO.

A friend at work gave me this book...

Is that wishful thinking?
How and when did you get your babies on a schedule?
Will he ever really sleep through the night... or for more than an hour and a half at a time even?
Tuesday, April 21, 2015

bump #94: infertility after baby

I know it's "Earth Day" and all, but our whole world revolves around Ollie :) 
And he just turned 1 month old!

More pictures here
Besides being Earth Day and Ollie month, it is also National Infertility Awareness Week.
2 years ago today, I shared our story and finally was open and honest about our struggle with infertility. We were in the thick of it, with 3 years and 3 failed procedures before us, and no idea what was ahead. We often felt hopeless and alone. Nothing made sense and it seemed like it would never end. And to my dear, dear sisters who are in that place today, know that you're not alone. You will get through this, and every single feeling you are experiencing is valid.

I felt broken with empty arms that ached for a child.
I didn't know at that time that I would be here today, writing this very post, with my baby in my arms.

Sweet redemption
But the sting of infertility is still there. Still fresh in my mind and an ache in my heart.
You see, our story isn't done. Yes, we have our miracle and we are so, so grateful. He is finally here and our hearts are starting to heal.
But what happens next time?
Infertility rears its ugly head again.
All these questions that wouldn't have crossed my mind before infertility crossed my path...
Am I greedy to want another baby in the future?
We were so lucky to get one, shouldn't that be enough?
Are we prepared emotionally, physically, and financially to pursue IVF again?
If I do get pregnant again, will there be the same complications, or worse?
I have to consciously put those thoughts out of my mind. I don't want to live in that place of fear.
Even in the midst of our overwhelming joy, infertility is still there.
But I don't let it win anymore.
I have this tiny, precious reminder that infertility lost.

Monday, April 13, 2015

bump #93: sleep deprivation

It is truly amazing how very little sleep you can function on.

* I use the term function very loosely.
Functioning does not mean coherent, capable, or clothed.
Before I had a baby {Ooh, I love saying that! Never thought I'd get to!} everyone told me "sleep now while you can." And I kindly smiled back and nodded my head all the while thinking about how uncomfortable it was to even lay down for any amount of time due to acid reflux, round ligament pain, sciatica, and the laughable difficulty of simply trying to roll over in my whale-like state. I loved being pregnant and miss it everyday, but even I will admit that the last couple weeks were painful and the simple act of sleeping was a challenge.
Cut to now... 3 weeks post delivery, it's 1:30 AM and I'm wide awake with a sweet little baby boy sleeping next to me. Maybe I should have listened to everyone's advice and slept more because I am perpetually exhausted, but isn't that to be expected? I know I'm supposed to sleep when he sleeps, but all I can do is look at him all the time! I nurse him every 2 hours and he usually doses off at some point. And then I just watch him, in total amazement that this is my life now. I guess I'm scared that if I go to sleep I will wake up and it will all have been a dream.
Due to lack of sleep I have no idea what day it is, what I ate for breakfast, or where I put my cell phone.
It's ok. None of that matters
because my baby boy is here and I can snuggle him in my arms,
gaze at him even with ginormous bags under my eyes,
and thank God for this amazing dream come true.
And no worries. I'll sleep later... like in 20 years!
Wednesday, April 08, 2015

bump #92: Out and about with Ollie

Ollie's first two weeks have flown by and we have taken advantage of his mostly easy-going personality by showing him the sights in San Diego.
That means lots of beach days!
La Jolla Shores

My wonderful mom stayed with us for 2 weeks after Oliver was born and took ALL of the pictures documenting this super special time... over 8,000 pictures total!

Coronado Island

Hotel Del Coronado
Downtown San Diego and the bay

Baby feet at the beach

We also visited the pediatrician for Ollie's 1 week check up. He did great until I picked him up and his umbilical cord got stuck and detached on my dress. Gross! (see picture) My mom and I freaked out and 3 days later it got infected and we were back at the doctor's office. Coincidentally that was also the day he got a rash from one of his swaddle blankets, his circumcision ring was irritated and half falling off, and he had his first poo poo diaper blow out in the car and there were no extra outfits in the diaper bag, so we showed up looking pretty pitiful. Mom of the year right here!

When I wasn't frantically running to the pediatrician's office, we managed to get out for a walk with my best friend Tiffany and her daughter Kynlee.

We also stopped by my classroom right before school went out for Spring Break.
We gave my students little birth announcements and "it's a boy" candies.
My 1st graders were so excited to see the baby. But no touching! He stayed safe in his stroller.
We also took Oliver to Andrew's Composition class at Point Loma. He's college ready!

My friends from work had a karaoke party and, of course, we brought Ollie there too. He liked our rendition of Britney's "Baby One More Time" and Whitney's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody."

We took some "2 weeks old" pictures at the park. Oliver has tons of cute little boy outfits and suits with ties and the like, but they're size 3 months and he is still in newborn size. Everyone told me he would grow out of them before he got to wear them so we're putting him in them now even though he is swimming in them. He is long and lean (foreign to me!) so dressing him is a little tricky. He's a champion eater (exclusively breastfeeding so far) so hopefully he'll get chubbier soon and fit in his clothes. 

It was so nice having my mom here! But eventually she had to go back to work. Boo. So she went back home on Easter Sunday morning and Andrew's mom arrived on the train that afternoon. We have been so spoiled with all this extra help from the grandmas and we are loving it!

I've been getting lots of baby smiles lately.

And I don't know what this is about, but Oliver often inadvertently flips the bird.
Maybe his not so polite way of letting us know he's over the photo shoot? 

 His eyes are still gray, but turning more blue everyday.

He's got a big head like his dad and is already growing out of his beanies.
He has a strong grip and loves his Sophie Giraffe. 
He's not a fan of tummy time, but likes laying on his back and taking in the surroundings.

He loves his MamaRoo bouncer and we often put him in it to sleep at night...
for his two hour stretches of sleep between feedings.
 He loves his doggies.
I made a "walliver" a wall of photos of Oliver. We're going to need a bigger apartment!

It's only week 3 and Oliver has already completely changed our lives in all the best possible ways. We are so in love!