Wednesday, September 23, 2015

bump #100: THE BUMP IS BACK

BIG news for our little family... we're having a baby!
We are so excited, surprised, and grateful for this miracle!
Baby #2 is due April 2016!!!
Friday, September 18, 2015

bump #99: 6 months and reflecting on grace

Oliver is 6 months old. I know that's still itty bitty, but it's actually quite monumental.

In such a short time, everything has changed.

I look back to 6 months ago and I didn't have a clue. I read all the books you're supposed to read and did as much prep work as I could, but nothing really prepares you for what happens when you see your baby for the first time. Your heart stops. It leaps out of your body and it is raw, exposed, open, like never before.

Before Oliver I kept my heart close, closed off even, and protected. Infertility and fear had cut it deep and made it hard. So hardened, that even as I was asking God for grace to get through the tough times, I was turning my heart away from Him because it seemed like He wasn't there. I knew He was, but that still didn't make it any easier.

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me."
 Psalm 23:4

Replace the phrase "darkest valley" with whatever trench you are in. We all have a valley to walk through and I wish I could say I walk through my valleys with grace.

But that would be a steaming pile of BS.

It is more accurate to say I trudge awkwardly, with a mouth full of complaints.
That doesn't make for a very pretty Psalm though.

All that to say I'm learning.

I'm learning that God's grace is bigger than my mess.
Bigger than my hurt, bigger than my failures, bigger than my valley.

And I have so, so much to be grateful for. Obviously it is infinitely easier to say that on this side of the valley, but it's true.

I'm learning that God's grace is far reaching; it knows no bounds.
And my heart wanes, but He remains.

I'm learning what it means to be a parent beyond what I read in books.

I'm learning that I will fail.
A lot.

But His grace is enough.
Friday, September 11, 2015

bump #98: teething, scooting, and sitting up

Oliver is almost 6 months old and teething something fierce. Plastic animal PETA would be all up in his grill for what he's done to Sophie Le Giraffe alone. He has an arsenal of teething toys and mesh feeders that are all proving pretty useful these days, but do any of you mommas out their have any teething go-to favorite remedies or suggestions?

While we're on the topic of teething, I have a confession to make. Add this one to our list of parenting fails, but don't judge too harshly, remember we're new at this. I came home from Back to School Night late last night and noticed something about little Ollie Bear. Lately he's been doing this adorable thing where he sticks his tongue out as far as he can and smiles so big I think my heart is going to explode from sheer adorableness. It's like he's so happy he can't contain it! Anyway, he sticks his tongue out and it is blue. Bright blue. So I lovingly ask my husband, "why is Oliver's tongue fluorescent blue?" And he tells me about how the only thing that could sooth Ollie Bear's aching gums was a blueberry otter pop...and he only had a little. Sure he did! I know how serious that boy is about eating (same as me!) and we do not do dessert in moderation.

You might think I would flip out at the thought of my 5 month old baby noshing on pure sugar water plus blue dye #5 and who knows what. I mean I have been dutifully nursing Ollie since birth, supplementing formula only when necessary, cautiously starting him on first foods and veggie purees only recently, and generally trying to do things "by the book." But all of that goes out the window when he's in so much pain, it's 100 degrees out, and baby wants a popsicle. In the future, I will prep frozen fruit in his mesh teething ring and try to provide more wholesome treats for him. But for now, his tongue is blue and he's happy; so what if I'm not mother of the year! At least I haven't given him ice cream yet, so he's not completely ruined. Please tell me I haven't ruined him!

Moving on.
Another recent milestone... scooting and sitting up almost on his own.

This boy is ready to go places. I ordered him a walker online yesterday and fingers crossed, it is going to be his new favorite toy. He currently loves his bumper jumper and bumbo chair. He's generally very content and smiley, but he lets you know real quick if he's over it and ready for something new. Homeboy is getting LOUD lately!

He is so expressive and entertaining right now. I need to remember to film him more because the pictures don't do him justice. He's adapting well to daycare a couple days a week, but came down with a cold from all the new germs. Sidenote: Nose Frida to the rescue. He hates that thing, but it sure is helpful for runny noses and baby boogies. Nothing worse than seeing your little baby sick and struggling to breathe. Hoping his immune system beefs up and we keep the sickies away, but I have a feeling this is only the beginning.

My parents came to visit for Labor Day weekend and my mom did a photo shoot of Ollie in his new suit and hat. This little guy makes our lives so happy and fun! 

I can't believe that next week he will be 6 months old. That's half a year already! It's 4am as I type this stream of conscious blog post, after a diaper change and feeding, and I am reminded that I haven't had a full night's sleep in over 6 months.

And to that I say TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!
The bags under my eyes have never been bigger, but my heart has never been fuller.