bump #43: what if

Usually I try to ignore the what if questions, to bury them deep, deep down. But today I want to know...

There are a few obvious answers... we would have babies, more money in our bank account, and a blissful unawareness of just how much it hurts to want something so bad that you can't have. Golly gee that sounds nice.
But in this new year even if it marks our 3rd year of trying to no avail, I want to look at this struggle differently. I want to see it how God sees it, as a growing experience that will ultimately bring us closer to Him.
So I ask the all too familiar question again, what if we never struggled with infertility?

Would our faith be as strong? 
Would we understand what it means to fully trust God the way that we have had to?

There is something incredibly humbling about leaning into God when this life gets to be too much. It is times like these when He is all we can rely on. I wish it was more of a natural reaction for me to trust Him.  Baby steps... oh the irony!

Would I have ever come to know and love, commiserate and celebrate with my fellow bump-seeking blogger buddies?  You, my sweet little handful of readers, always there to build me up when I'm falling down, have become some of my dearest friends. I cannot express in words how much God has used you in this crippling season of my life. Thank you so much for walking this path alongside me.

I am turning 29 tomorrow and am not exactly where I thought I would be. Pretty sure I say that every birthday :) But I know God has a plan and this struggle is somehow part of His larger plan for our lives. So even though it feels like I'm getting old and falling apart, I know God sees this life differently and I want to see it His way.

"So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever."
2 Corinthians 4:16 {message}


  1. Great perspective, and a good reminder that God works ALL things for our good... even crappy things like barren reproductive systems. Praying that your 30th year is THE year for you, just like it was for me!!

  2. It is all going to work out. God's plans are amazing! And, you are definitely not getting old or falling apart. I didn't have my baby until I was 29 and I have some girlfriends that didn't until their early 30's. It's definitely not too late! Hang in there. You're in my thoughts and prayers. :-)

  3. Love this Bren! Such a great reminder that He doesn't see us as broken bodies, but as redeemed and righteous daughters.

    Happy Birthday Sweetie!

  4. This is beautiful, Bren. Happy Birthday-- hope you get what you REALLY want this year.

  5. I hope you had a great birthday yesterday! And this is a great post...we are certainly changed by IF! Wishing that this year is THE year for you, Bren!

  6. Dear Precious Brennie,

    Just finished figuring out how to navigate your bump-blog and my heart is SO full of love for you!
    You are such an amazing and wonderful person and your Bump-Blog
    has all the, (I am at a loss for words), but exciting, interesting,
    humorous, well described as well as honest, full of hope and trust in God and it answered all the things I didn't ask but wondered. I just thought you were waiting for Andrew to become Dr. Hoag and settled into somewhere here or in S.D. And maybe that is just the way it will happen! All I know, (as you both do), is that God answers prayer and His timing is always perfect.
    Now, Papa and I are adding our prayers
    to all the others.



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