bump #56: when baby making takes a backseat

 I might as well just out myself as the worst blogger and worst infertile. The last month or so has been devoid of blog posts and entirely consumed with

finally moving into our new apartment (pics here),
We moved in August, but it's just starting to feel like home. Pumpkin spice lattes help a lot.

starting a new job (pics here),
and decorating and redecorating my classroom as well as fulfilling the coursework and staff development requirements of being a first year teacher (14 hour days, y'all)

and helping organize my sister's wedding (pics here).


All fun things, but all super overwhelming. The silver lining of living in this constant state of craziness is that I am getting a lot done and I haven't even thought about having a baby for more than a couple minutes each day because there's simply no time. Not sure if that really counts as a plus, but it sure beats period math.

Of course I still want to be a mommy more than anything in the world, but I'm preparing myself for that to continue to be a very challenging endeavor. The thought that we've been trying to get pregnant for over 3 years knocks the wind out of me. So does the thought of stepping foot in another doctor's office. I did a search for fertility clinics in San Diego the other day and then promptly closed my laptop and walked away without taking another glance. I couldn't do it, it was like PTSD or something. All the icky memories came flooding back at me and all I could do was shut it away, pray for a miracle, and move on. There are no guarantees and I can't handle anymore stress.

I am so grateful to finally have a teaching job and I want to keep it :)  Fertility treatments are like a whole other full time job and ain't nobody got time for that. So, for now (and the next few months), I am going to focus on the good in life, work my bum off, and put all the stress of baby making on hold for a while. It's like I'm trading in Gonal-F for grading papers and Lupron for writing lesson plans. I can't help but think that being surrounded by 10 year old maniac children all day is serving as a fertility deterrent!

Comments

  1. I hate that things are still at a standstill for you but am thankful that you have plenty of GOOD distractions at the moment! And you know what they say- as soon as you stop trying and stressing about it, you'll get pregnant... ha! (In case you didn't catch the sarcasm there, I am totally not suggesting that is true :)

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  2. "period math"- ha that's awesome! And you're so right, fertility treatments are like a full time job... it can be all consuming. It's part of the reason why we've moved so slowly, it just takes time to get things done, to find a clinic, to get an appointment, to get lab work... it all just takes time! Proud of doing what you need to do to keep the crazy at bay... it will be waiting for you when you're ready! Thanks for the update!

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  3. Your home, classroom, and sister's wedding all look so beautiful! Fertility treatments are a full-time job. It's insane. I wish you could be taking this break because of a baby bump, but it seems like you are kind of at peace and have some joy in your life ... Through all this, that's most important.

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  4. I'm so glad you're back. And I'm glad that your plan is to focus on the good in life :). I'm praying that you won't ever have to look up fertility clinics ever again!

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  5. I agree; nice to have other things in your head. I hit that a while back and, while we never quit hoping and dreaming for a family, it's such an incredible relief not to be aching over it. Work rocks for that!

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