I'm going to risk y'all thinking I'm a crazy person and tell you why I had these binkies in the first place. Two months ago when we were in the middle of our third iui, I found a pacifier on the ground in the parking lot right next to my car. I stepped around it and sat down in the driver seat but before I closed my door I had a thought. My first thought was "eww gross" because those things are full of germs. But then I thought, "hmm. finding a binky seems like a sweet little reminder that perhaps a baby is near and maybe this will finally be our month." You know, like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (except really a filthy chew toy for an infant). So I picked it up {with a tissue} and kept it.
And then a few days later Andrew found a pacifier on the ground right in front of our mail box. Random, right?! So we started this little collection thinking how crazy it was that we kept finding binkies everywhere we went. Like some sort of strange scavenger hunt.
We were super hopeful that those binkies signified some good news. But a few days later we learned that our 3rd iui failed. And those "good luck" binkies were nothing of the sort. They were just plain, old, yucky binks neglected and forgotten. In fact, I forgot all about them until today. And for the record, I finally threw them away. But at the time they offered some small glimmer of hope. Which makes me think how silly some of the things I place my hope in are.
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 43:5
Aw man. I kinda love and kinda hate this story. I too am guilty of putting my hope in all kinds of 'signs' and hopeful coincidences. Bummer.
ReplyDeleteI remember sitting in an English class my freshman year thinking that I was born in the wrong era because I sure share a lot with the puritans. I see "signs" in everything. I would totally have made some of the same leaps in logic believing that some pacifiers were signs from God. I hate that IUI #3 failed for you, but I'm hanging on to the glimmer of hope for you.
ReplyDeleteHate that the pacifiers didn't end up being a sign of good things to come for THAT cycle, but I still think God could very well have used them as a tangible reminder of what He is capable of doing in your life... twinsies in the future? :) Anyway, yes, best reminder is to put your hope in Him- Hebrews 11:1 is another favorite about hope!
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