bump #17: trust

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, In ALL your ways, acknowledge HIM and He shall direct your paths."  Proverbs 3:5&6

This is my favorite scripture. It was my senior quote. It is my "go to verse" when life doesn't make sense {all the time!}. These words are easy to remember and recite. They are reassuring.

Trusting God with my whole heart should be easy. Especially when it is juxtaposed with trying to figure everything out on my own. It's not rocket science: trust God and be at peace, or stress myself out to no end trying to make sense of everything.  I know His yoke is easy and his burden is light. But still I choose my difficult yoke and heavy burden everytime. It is familiar to me. I don't quite know how to let it go. I don't know if I really want to let go.

Plus, I think I can handle it on my own. I trust that God is good, that He loves me, and He is taking care of everything. But that's not enough for me. If I want something done right, I have to do it myself. It is as if trusting God means admitting defeat.
Pride rears its ugly head :(

I know that I need God; that ultimately nothing good can happen apart from Him. I also know that trusting Him does not equal giving up or quitting.

But trusting Him completely with this fertility fiasco seems impossible right now.

It was easy to trust when things were going according to my plan, but lately my plan has been hijacked!  I'm struggling to find the balance between trusting Him during this season of confusion and doing everything I can to get on the right path ~ the pregnancy path :)

I know this is a test that will ultimately strengthen my trust in God. I'm just not the best test taker!

Comments

  1. I can relate to this all too well! I read a quote on Pinterest recently that said, "Worrying is like praying for things you don't want," and it's so true! I spend WAY more time worrying about what could go wrong than I do actually praying. Regardless, learning to trust in Him more is just one of many purposes that I know God has for this season in our lives :)

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  2. Ugh. Thanks for this. I suck at this.

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  3. Love your candidness and unapologetic honesty. I have felt and continue to feel the exact same way. It should be so easy. I'll take the easy yoke and let Him figure all this pregnancy stuff out, but no, I wrench it back everyday. Praying that we can all find comfort in His arms.

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