I am just at my breaking point.
That's great that "God never gives you more than you can handle" but no one ever said that infertility won't.
3 months ago I had the most invasive procedure of my life (or so I thought) performed to determine why I was unable to get pregnant. The results came back normal. But I knew something was wrong.
Fast forward to 3 weeks ago when our IUI failed because of an enormous polyp. (How did they not see this during the HSG all those months ago?)
Rewind to 3 hours ago when I went in for a saline hysterogram to essentially outline the polyp with water in order to get a clearer picture of it. {One side effect they forgot to mention is that the gallon or so of water they inserted is still leaking out of me even as I write this post. What a gross souvenir!}
Yes, it's still there. Just growing and causing trouble.
That brings us to right now. The point where I want to go back in time to that place where everything didn't revolve around failing at fertility.
No hysterosalpingogram.
No hysterocscopy.
No hysterical crying.
I am taking a break.
Mostly because the next bump in the process is the hysteroscopy and the next available appointment for this surgery isn't until mid July. But I am also taking a break because even after all of these months of trying to have a baby and having medical procedures done, I don't feel any closer to the finish line. In fact, if it's even possible, I feel farther than when we started.
BOOOOO. On infertility. Not taking a break. Glad (??) they got a better picture of the polyp...but yeah, that's pretty awesome that you get to leak water for the rest of the day now! Woohoo! I'm going to go look up the hysteroscopy. Never had one of those. Yay for new and exciting IF procedures...
ReplyDeleteUgh, I hate that you are feeling this way, but if it helps, it is totally normal for you to feel this way! I have been thankful for all of the breaks we have taken along the way, so I am hopeful that this one will give you some rest- physically, emotionally, and otherwise! Also, you should make a list of things to do over the next month or two that people that are trying to get pregnant can't do :)
ReplyDeleteThanks! I like that list idea... hubbs and I will be in California and Alaska for part of the summer, so I'm definitely adding copious amounts of sea food and wine to that list :)
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