bump #66: please just one sign

5dp5dt.

Last week I didn't even know what that meant, and now I am frantically searching online discussion boards hoping to find some symptom or sign to relate to at "5 days post a 5 day transfer." So far it's just a bunch of hormonal, whiney women. I suppose I can relate to that.

In the world of IVF, this is my first rodeo and I don't know what to expect. 

It doesn't help that the crinone (progesterone vaginal suppository, ick.) brings a whole host of pregnancy like symptoms with it. Meaning, I can't tell if I have super sore boobs because I'm growing a human or because I overdosed on progesterone cream. Are the minor cramps I'm feeling due to implantation of an embryo, or are they a side effect of the constipation from the prenatal vitamins? Yes, TTC is super glamorous. I would just feel so much *better* if I had a classic sign like implantation spotting (none yet) or morning sickness (not even a little nauseous.) I don't really feel any different, so I don't really feel like it's working.

The beta test isn't until Wednesday, and SDFC never had me come in after the transfer to check my hormone levels, which I thought was odd. It just feels like an even longer 2 week wait, especially with no symptoms. So of course, I'm assuming the worst. This cycle is a flop and we're going to have to do it all over again. Pouty face.

I did stumble across some odd things that women wrote as initial signs that let them know they were pregnant... One lady said she had an aversion to certain smells, specifically car exhaust fumes. I don't know about you, but I don't know anyone who is particularly fond of carbon monoxide smells. Another woman wrote that she had never been so tired in all her life and was experiencing migraines. It turns out, she wasn't pregnant, she was having caffeine withdrawals. Maybe there's nothing much to the signs or symptoms and I need to get over it and be grateful that I feel normal.

Fellow IVFers: What symptoms did you experience? Did you have a 3 day or 5 day transfer? When did you take a HPT? Any advice on how to survive the 2WW?

I am SO grateful for this blog community! I love you girls!!!

bump #34: 2 week wait

I read somewhere that we spend almost half our life waiting.  Right now we're waiting half of this month to see if our iui was successful.

Tick tock tick tock. 

Some waiting I am ok with: like waiting in line (even on black Friday) if my shopping cart is full of goodies, or waiting more than 6 months between visits at the dentist, or waiting to eat dessert until after dinner. That last one was a lie. So maybe those aren't great examples but you get the idea.
I pretty much hate waiting.  I may or may not have already pulled out my Christmas decorations and it isn't even November yet but I just can't wait for the next holiday... or the next, next holiday as the case may be.

I am terrible at waiting.

So to help pass the time I have:

- Rearranged the furniture {I usually end up moving it back the way it was before because I am actually not a fan of change, but it's fun to mix things up for a day or two.}

- Shopped online {I don't know how I ever survived before amazon.com.}

- Downloaded books on my kindle {haven't read any yet, but they're there}

- Put up some Thanksgiving and Christmas decor {go ahead and judge me, but we spend most of Decemeber in California with our families so if I want to enjoy spend a bunch of time setting them up only to take them all down a week later all the decorations, I have to start early.}

Just when I was running out of things to do (because cleaning the house never seems to be a priority) I noticed that I was nominated by the lovely Amanda at Genuine Greavu for a Liebster Blog Award.

 It's a little bit like a chain letter, but it definitely fits the "make-time-go-by-faster" criteria, so here it goes!

1.  Why did you start blogging?

I started blogging here about the bumps on the road to TTC because I needed a more productive outlet to work out my thoughts and emotions about infertility. Basically the mall closes at 9 so my "shop your feelings away strategy" was only good for a few hours a day :)  I also love the blogging community and the encouragement I receive from fellow TTC-ers. Blogging is the best therapy. Bonus: it's cheap!

2. What's your biggest pet peeve?

People who double-dip. Germs freak me out!

3. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Pink. Was there ever any question? It's my favorite!

4. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?

Paris. Then London, then Spain. And with a Mediterranean cruise at the end with stops in Italy and Greece. So I guess I would go to Europe :)

5. What's your favorite book?

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee  
I only read it once as a freshman in Highschool, but it had a lasting impression.  I also like the name Harper for a girl because it almost sounds alright with our last name (Hoag) I grew up as Brenda Bing and love alliteration (obviously "brensbabybump"), so Harper Hoag fits the bill.

6. What is the quirkiest thing about you?
When it's way past my bedtime and I'm half asleep but semi-coherent I sometimes speak in a non-sensical, broken spanish saying things like "My cabeza is heavy como el sol." Or "Mis pantalones son too tight. Me gusta spandex." Definitely have to work on my spanish before that mediterranean cruise!

7.  If dreams always came true, how many kids would you want?
Four. If my husband's dreams came true it would be two. We'll have four kids :)
Unless labor really is as awful as everyone says it is. Then we'll compromise with one!

8. What is your greatest vice?
Buying clothes for my dog. Have you seen them? Some of the outfits are really cute!

9.  What is your favorite thing about your husband?
The beef stew he made for dinner tonight is in the running. The boy can cook! 
My real favorite thing about him is how supportive and encouraging he has been as we've worked through infertility issues the last couple years. Neither of us saw this coming and there are days when I am just so completely over it and super negative, but he is always there to listen to and comfort me. We are a really good team and it's because of him, not me!

10. What is your happiest childhood memory?
My happiest childhood memory is more a string of memories. For many years, I would spend every weekend at my grandparents' house where my Grandma taught me to bake, read the Bible with me, played my favorite game of Scrabble with me, and told me all the best family stories. They had 10 kids and lived all over the country, so there are a lot of good stories. Grandma should start a blog! Hearing all those stories is my happiest childhood memory. 

11. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you be?

San Luis Obispo, California where I grew up and where all my family lives. It's also the happiest city in the United States (according to Oprah anyway, and we all know she's the most credible source there is). It's also the second happiest city in the world. Look out, Copenhagen, we're coming for ya!


Thanks Amanda for including me in this Liebster fun! And my apologies to all of my reader(s) for another long post. Hopefully the next one will be short and sweet like "positive!!!" or "Pregnant!!!" Back to waiting... and stew. Yum.

Words of wisdom for today: Eating makes the time go by faster. I keep telling myself that anyway!

bump #3: waiting

If there is anything God is teaching me throughout these baby bump hurdles, it is how to wait with hope. {You probably thought I was going to say that He is teaching me patience. Ha! I'm 28 years old and can honestly tell you that i will struggle with patience the rest of my life. Infertility issues have definitely not helped in the patience department. I'll leave it at that.}

My dad is always good for advice. He is the one who told me so many, many years ago that "anything worth having is worth waiting for." I'm almost certain this conversation took place in the toy section at Target in 1992 and was in reference to the Beverly Hills 90210 Kelly Taylor Barbie Doll I had been wanting. I put it in the cart, and dad put it back on the shelf, mumbling something about waiting for it.

If you're reaching for relevance here, it's this: My dad had already bought that doll and was just wating to give it to me until a later time.

He knew what he was doing. I didn't.

I did not see the whole picture.
I could only see exactly what I wanted,
just out of my reach.

1 week later he gave me the doll.

And I thought "it's about flipping time! I've been waiting for this all season!" You thought I was going to say how grateful I was, didn't you?
I was grateful, but I was also tired of waiting.

I keep hearing this voice, a whisper, remiding me ever so gently to "be grateful for the waiting."

I also keep hearing the voice of Tom Petty, "the waiting is the hardest part."

I'm inclined to agree with Tommy.

Why would anyone be grateful for waiting?

Every major event in my life has involved waiting.

Waiting to grow up.
Waiting to graduate.
Waiting to hear back from colleges.
Waiting to move.
Waiting in a long distance relationship.
Waiting for my wedding day
Waiting to hear back from the doctors.
Waiting for my new insurance policy.
Waiting to decorate a nursery.


All of this waiting and I'm not sure I would desbribe any of these as my most grateful moments.

The Bible says this: "In all things give thanks (be grateful)."

Especially in waiting.

I have been somewhat blind-sided by how long we have been waiting for a baby.

I am still not sure how to be grateful for it, but I am learning how to hope through it.

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."

There is overwhelming hope that God is in control

I am grateful that

He sees the whole picture, and I just can't.

And, as always, my dad was right... "Anything worth having is worth waiting for."

And so we wait.