bump #89: 38 weeks and scheduling a c section

Andrew is on Spring Break this week, and we've been lucky to get some warm, beautiful beach days in. Here we are in La Jolla with a 38 week bump:

 

 

Here we were at the same beach the day before our transfer back in July:

 

What a difference 8 months makes!

 

We are so grateful to have made it this far. Oliver is doing great and growing strong. At my 38 week appointment today the doctor said he probably already weighs in the high sevens and, although he is head down, his head is resting on my right hip so he is still not in the "engaged" position over my cervix as he needs to be for delivery. We still have 12 days until our official due date, but each week when doctor checks me, everything is still very high and very closed. I was hoping my big, wide birthing hips would finally come in handy for birthing this baby, but it appears that my teeny tiny cervix plays a more crucial role, and it ain't budging. Up until this point we had planned on a natural delivery (I kid, natural with a big, fat epidural) and our doctor always agreed we could plan on a vaginal birth.

 

Until today.

 

Today she examined me and delicately suggested that we start thinking about the possibility of a cesarean delivery. She explained that if we still wanted to go natural we could wait as long as 42 weeks and see if Ollie shifts into position. Keep in mind he's already almost 8 pounds, so by the time 42 weeks rolls around I might have a toddler walking around in there!  She also mentioned that while vaginal birth is typically ideal, I have a succenturiate lobe on the placenta that complicates the safety of vaginal delivery. The number one thing I want to avoid is going through days of labor and then having to get an emergency C-section anyway when my body is weak and exhausted. This isn't how I envisioned bringing baby boy into the world, and recovery time is going to be brutal, but none of this process has gone according to plan and God has still been faithful every step of the way.

 

Tonight we are praying and thinking about what is best for our family. We will most likely call tomorrow morning to schedule a C-section at the end of next week. Either way, we are meeting our baby boy soon and cannot contain our excitement!

 

bump #77: when the other shoe drops

We received a not so great phone call from my doctor last night. After reviewing our anatomy scan from last week, she noticed something wrong.

The baby is fine (for now). That is all that matters.

To me.

 

She described a condition called "Vasa Previa" where basically the blood vessels connecting the umbilical cord to the placenta are blocking the cervix and could rupture at any time, but especially when delivery is near and the water breaks.

 

"Is it fatal?" Is all I could keep asking. "Is the baby ok?" "What does this mean?"

 

It is not usually fatal, but, gone undiagnosed, it is devastating and the baby would not survive natural delivery. It means I have to have a scheduled C-Section before 37 weeks and bi-weekly ultrasounds for the remainder of the pregnancy. I will most likely have to go on bed rest from 30 weeks on and am back to that "high risk" category I was only recently so relieved to get out of.


I was still at work when I got the call and had to step out of a meeting, so you can imagine the mess of a situation that is a 5 month pregnant woman in an elementary school hallway in hysterics. I don't even want to go to work today!

In all my research of potential complications I never came across Vasa Previa and still don't know a lot about it. (Don't google image it. Just don't.) It is rare, but more common in cases of patients who have undergone IVF as we have. The risk goes from 1 in 3000 to 1 in 300. Why do I have to be the one?

Guilt.

This is because we did IVF. But what choice did we have? This is the only way we get our baby.

And now it's complicated.

 

I was so excited to reach the half way point. 20 weeks felt like an amazing accomplishment for someone who thought they would never get to be pregnant. On Monday I even felt real kicks, finally. It was as if baby boy had his own spin class going on in there! So surely everything was fine.

 

In a journey so fraught with equal parts excitement and anxiety, we are devastated that the remainder of the pregnancy is going to be so stressful and scary. We also know that God is in control and we have remarkable doctors and technology to make sure our baby is safe and healthy. We are grateful to know now, and not when it is too late, so we can plan ahead. Any dreams of a natural delivery or third trimester are dashed, but what matters more than anything is that our little Ollie Bear is ok.

 

His name is Oliver Vance.

 

And he can hear us and all the prayers we are praying over him.

Thank you God for protecting our miracle baby.

bump #68: 2nd beta

Beta #1: 441

Beta #2: 807

Twins would have been amazing, but it looks like a singleton for us this time. Praise God the numbers went up! Now it's another 2 week wait until our first ultrasound on August 1st.

Am I neurotic for taking pregnancy tests every morning to make sure I'm still pregnant?

bump #67: i saw the sign

And the sign was POSITIVE!

8dp5dt     Sunday, July 13, 2014 

Beta test Wednesday, July 16: HCG 441

We are SO excited! And still a little cautious because it's so, so early.

We're keeping quiet for a while (no big announcements on facebook), but y'all are my besties and have been with us through it all, so of course I'm telling you first!

We are praising God for this miracle and not taking one single second for granted. 

THANK YOU for continued prayers for a healthy pregnancy. 

THANK YOU for all of the love, support, and encouragement you have shown us.
THANK GOD for answered prayers.

bump #66: please just one sign

5dp5dt.

Last week I didn't even know what that meant, and now I am frantically searching online discussion boards hoping to find some symptom or sign to relate to at "5 days post a 5 day transfer." So far it's just a bunch of hormonal, whiney women. I suppose I can relate to that.

In the world of IVF, this is my first rodeo and I don't know what to expect. 

It doesn't help that the crinone (progesterone vaginal suppository, ick.) brings a whole host of pregnancy like symptoms with it. Meaning, I can't tell if I have super sore boobs because I'm growing a human or because I overdosed on progesterone cream. Are the minor cramps I'm feeling due to implantation of an embryo, or are they a side effect of the constipation from the prenatal vitamins? Yes, TTC is super glamorous. I would just feel so much *better* if I had a classic sign like implantation spotting (none yet) or morning sickness (not even a little nauseous.) I don't really feel any different, so I don't really feel like it's working.

The beta test isn't until Wednesday, and SDFC never had me come in after the transfer to check my hormone levels, which I thought was odd. It just feels like an even longer 2 week wait, especially with no symptoms. So of course, I'm assuming the worst. This cycle is a flop and we're going to have to do it all over again. Pouty face.

I did stumble across some odd things that women wrote as initial signs that let them know they were pregnant... One lady said she had an aversion to certain smells, specifically car exhaust fumes. I don't know about you, but I don't know anyone who is particularly fond of carbon monoxide smells. Another woman wrote that she had never been so tired in all her life and was experiencing migraines. It turns out, she wasn't pregnant, she was having caffeine withdrawals. Maybe there's nothing much to the signs or symptoms and I need to get over it and be grateful that I feel normal.

Fellow IVFers: What symptoms did you experience? Did you have a 3 day or 5 day transfer? When did you take a HPT? Any advice on how to survive the 2WW?

I am SO grateful for this blog community! I love you girls!!!

bump #65: it only takes one

After extracting 15 follicles yielding 9 eggs that became 7 fertilized embryos, we were left with only 3 blastocysts. We transferred 2, leaving just 1 to freeze for next time.

After all those injections and ultrasounds and stress over what to do if we ended up with a boat load of embryos that's an image! And there is just 1 remaining.

But one is all it takes. So we are grateful for the one.

bump #64: the transfer

This morning was our day 5 transfer of two little blastocysts.

 My amazing mom came all the way down to San Diego to be here for the big day. LOVE HER!!! She was so sweet and nurturing, hovered over my belly talking to the babies. "You can do it. We can't wait to meet you!"

 We were disappointed to learn that the two lower embryos quit growing at the 8 cell stage and we will hear the verdict of the remaining three tomorrow. We are hoping to have 2 to freeze for future use. Prayers please!

 Transfer complete!

And now I'm taking it easy for a few days and hoping for a positive beta on the 16th. My doggies are super excited for a potential new sibling. Maddie thinks it's a girl :)

bump #63: eggs over easy

First of all, THANK YOU!!! Thank you for all the prayers, encouragement, and well wishes you have been sending my way. It is making a huge difference and I am so grateful for all the love! Every doubt and worry is washed away, and it may be the anesthesia still in my system, but I am on cloud 9. 

Our egg retrieval was this morning and it was a piece of cake, or a platter of donuts, as you'll see later.

I went to bed early last night... mostly because I didn't want to eat anything past dinner at 7 and I had nothing else to stay awake for :)  I woke up super excited to get these follicles out and get what's left of my waistline back. I quickly learned that they don't actually take the follicles out; they drain them to obtain the egg and then they fill up with water again leaving me still bloated. Que sera. At least I'll have great bump photos from day 1... "Here I am 3 days pregnant and already wearing maternity clothes!" Awesome. Anyway, we arrived at San Diego Fertility Center at 7:30, filled out final paperwork, took vitals, prepped for surgery, and I was wheeled off at 8:30. Everything was done and we were on our way home by 9:30. I took a zofran pill before the anesthesia and experienced no nausea at all. I woke up feeling like a million bucks. But I looked like this...

I'm quite the fashion plate in this hospital gown get up. It's a wonder Andrew could resist me. Honestly, after putting the hair cap on I burst into a round of "I'm so fancy, you don't even know." Keepin' it classy.

Driving in traffic to SDFC
I'm all smiles at 6:30 am, Andrew is still waking up :)

Our RE, Dr. Kettel, was amazing. I'm sure he especially appreciated me asking if he brought me kettle corn from the Del Mar Fair up the road. #whatdoyouexpectwithanamelikekettel? I was just proud of my restraint in not calling the kettel black.  I like to keep my racist rants to a minimum. At least I made one new friend today... Dr. Lozano, the anesthesiologist. He's my favorite. 

This was our latest ultrasound from Saturday morning. 

Saturday night was the ovidrel injection and with that all the shots are over! Hallelujah! 

 They extracted all 15 follicles, but only 9 of them had eggs. Of those nine, 6 look mature for fertilization.

Today is ICSI and tomorrow they will let us know how many embryos we have. Wednesday is "decision day" where they let us know if our embryo transfer will be on Thursday (3 day transfer) or Saturday (5 day transfer). Here is a break down of what is supposed to be happening each day...

I felt so great after the retrieval that I immediately filled out the patient feedback forms with a glowing review, watched all 4 hours of the Today show, caught up on all my favorite blogs, and sent Andrew on an errand for my favorite donuts after reading about Gourdoughs donuts at Allison's blog.

The retrieval was great and we're hoping our transfer goes just as well. Super excited that my mom will be here for the transfer! I can't believe it's all finally happening! Now back to my donuts!


UPDATE: The doctor just called to let me know that we have 7 fertilized eggs. Yay! Lucky #7 and next week 7-7 is our 7 year anniversary. Perfect!

bump #62: hit me with your best shot

And so it begins...

Am I the only one who finds it odd that our pharmacy doubles as a liquor store? Maybe the alcohol makes it easier, you know a round of shots before your actual round of shots :)

Here's the obligatory shot of "the goods." No pun intended. Andrew and I pick a different "shots" themed song to hum while he does the injections each evening.

Bon Jovi: "Shot to the heart and you're to blame, darlin' you give love a bad name."

Pat Benatar: "Hit me with your best shot."

LMFAO: "Shots, shots, shots."

Bob Marley: "I shot the sheriff."

I gotta say, so far these shots are nothing. The Menopur one stings a bit, but I've been working hard on my muffin top for a few years now and that extra layer of padding has come in handy. I hardly feel a thing! Thanks ice cream and candy bars!

bump #61: IVF + and -

One month until IVF retrieval and transfer!
2 weeks until all those dreaded daily injections.

6 weeks until we know if it worked.

Cue the time machine!

I have never felt so close or so far from my dream of being a mom.  I've also been in this really weird head space where everything feels like life or death. I think it's because it will either work or it won't; positive or negative, 50/50. I'm super on edge and hyper sensitive. I've been on birth control pills for 5 weeks so there may be some hormonal correlation :) This is it! This is our greatest chance at finally starting our family, but it isn't the way I wanted it to happen at all. Obviously I am beyond grateful for technology and that this is even an option for us, but I'm also mourning the loss of a "natural" pregnancy. Even if this protocol works, it hasn't solved the problem. It has just created a loophole the size of a petri dish. Are jokes about petri dishes offensive to IVFers? Oh well, I'm one of them now. 

Maybe infertility isn't a problem to solve and I need to just get over it, but it's still frustrating!

Amidst the frustration, I've created a mental list of pros and cons of IVF. Most of the cons are fleeting (a big 'ol pile of debt, anesthesia, extra discomfort from meds, potential complications, a million doctors appointments). But really, that's nothing. The pros win out every time because the pros are forever.