bump #73: 14 weeks

14 Weeks!!!

Ignore the sweaty armpits and the poison oak I'm standing next to... 

This was after a bit of a hike on a very hot day! 

When I learned that you could find out the gender at only 14 weeks, 

I made an appointment at The Ultrasound Experience right away!

 Andrew in the waiting room.

Yesterday we got to see our baby bear on the big screen!

We even got a 4d preview and saw the baby moving and kicking. 

We DID find out the gender, but we are keeping it a secret until we tell our families in person in a couple weeks. Andrew thought the baby was a girl and I thought the baby was a boy. One of us is right and both of us are super excited!!!

bump #72: 12 weeks

I am happily cruising through the first trimester and will be thirteen weeks along tomorrow. Yay! Unfortunately, since being released from the fertility center and their lovely weekly ultrasounds and check ins, I am going on 4 weeks between doctor's appointments and have no current baby photos to share. 

However, the bump (the one that begs the question "is she fat or is she pregnant?") has arrived.

The fetal doppler (heartbeat monitor) I ordered on Amazon last month came just in time for us to hear baby's heartbeat at 10 weeks. It takes some patience and I first have to get a reading of my heart rate so that I can discern it from the baby's, but it is so worth it to know everything is ok each day. Baby Bear is snug and cozy in the lower right part of my stomach. No noticeable movements yet because it's still way early, but yesterday when I was laying down I think I felt a little flutter like it was stretching and it made me super happy. It could have just been gas from the burrito I ate... jury's still out on that one :)

I thought I would be way better about documenting this pregnancy... taking weekly belly pics and remembering to write everything down. Honestly, I am still in shock that IVF even worked for us. Most of the time I feel like I'm living in a dream and worried I will wake up and it will all be over. Over the years I learned to be so cautiously optimistic and prepared for failure that I don't quite know how to react to this overwhelming joy. Basically I walk around with a big, goofy smile on my face and just count the hours til I can come home and listen to the baby's heartbeat to make sure it's still there. Living the dream!

Next month we have our first of three 3-d ultrasounds here. Can't wait to find out the gender! I think it's a boy and Andrew thinks it's a girl so we might have to throw a gender reveal party and make some wagers. What do you think is the best way to reveal the gender? I'm thinking a destination vacation, you know like we'll do Bahamas if it's a boy, and Grand Cayman if it's a girl. :)

bump #71: 8 weeks

The baby grew! It doubled in size again this week and is almost a whole inch long. My stomach has gained more than an inch, as have my thighs and bust, but I don't want to talk about that! I know it still looks blobbish, but there are actually little arm buds and a distinct head and body.
The coolest thing was that we actually saw the baby do a somersault and flip itself over during the ultrasound.  I don't want to brag about my obviously gifted fetus, but we may have the next Keri Strug in there! I can't wait until I can really feel our little gymnast move around and kick. So exciting!

Today we "graduated" from the extra special care of the Fertility Center. Sad face. But also happy because it means everything is progressing as it should. Phew! As a parting gift, they gave us a swag bag full of fun goodies like The Essential Pregnancy Organizer, Fit Pregnancy magazines (haha, that ain't gonna happen!), a "miracle baby" onesie, and some other cute reading materials. Here's a shot of the 8 week and 3 day bump. I still feel mostly bloated and puffy everywhere and the #2 I ate at In-N-Out right before this picture is at least partly responsible for my pooch.

In other news, today was my first day teaching first grade and I. Am. EXHAUSTED!!! Those kiddos are adorable and fun and I love them, but I cannot keep up with 31 six year olds. 

                      Is it bad that my mantra has already become "I've just got to make it to March"? 

bump #70: 7 weeks

Baby is 10 mm or 1 cm or the size of a blueberry. Yum! 

We had our 7 week sonogram this morning and got to measure the heartbeat... 148 beats per minute. 120-180 is the normal range, so we're right smack dab in the middle.  The lines on the left of the picture are the heart rate monitor lines. There's little tiny waves at the top, it's not as flat lined as it looks. Phew!

We still haven't gotten to hear the heart beat yet, because this particular ultrasound machine doesn't pick up sound. But it's still fun to see the flicker, and gives us something else to look forward to later. I plan on buying an at home doppler so I can hear the heartbeat anytime I want to, but it doesn't usually work until around 10 weeks.

In other news, I hadn't actually selected an ObGyn since we moved back from Texas because we went directly to the fertility center, so after lots of research and several great recommendations, I miraculously got in with a fabulous doctor. In 3 weeks I will graduate from the fertility center and continue my prenatal care with Dr. Yvonne Goff. The only weird thing is they will see me at 10 weeks and then not again until 20 weeks. I'm used to at least weekly appointments thanks to the pampering of San Diego Fertility Center. Also, isn't the gender reveal ultrasound between 14 and 18 weeks? No way am I skipping that!

Everyone thinks this little baby is a girl. Everyone except me. I would LOVE a little girl, but as the oldest of 3 girls I think my family needs a little more blue in their lives. Either way, we'll obviously be so excited, but for now I'm being contrarian. Also, girls' heartbeats are normally at the higher end of the spectrum and 148 isn't that high, and the yolk sac for girls is normally on the left and mine is on the right. Any other wives' tales I'm missing?

School starts back up next week and I don't know how I'm going to make it through the day without my 2 hour afternoon nap, or every 5 minute pee breaks. I'm just thankful I've had such a productive-reproductive summer break :)  And everyone has been so nice to me and given me sweet gifts... My Aunt Vanessa gave me this awesome Mama-to-be tea and since I haven't been drinking any coffee, tea, caffeine anything the last 3 months, it's been nice to have something other than water to drink that is safe for the baby. My friend Tiffany got me yummy "bump booster" pregnancy cookies and belly butter (it's never to soon to ward off stretch marks!). My grandma made me special natural and organic household cleaning products ha! as if I clean anything :) and a whole bunch of other wonderful goodies. Thank you guys!

Save for the 5 minute ultrasounds each week, I still can't believe that this is really happening. I never thought I would get to experience pregnancy. It's cliche, but every step of the way is surreal. I honestly still twinge when I see pregnant women in the store and then I realize, "oh, I'm one of them now!" I'm noticing new symptoms each day, and rejoicing with every minute of nausea and soreness and discomfort because that means it's really happening! I am so happy to be carrying this little miracle around!

bump #69: the heartbeat

Today was our first ultrasound! I am 6 weeks and 2 days along and the baby measures 6 mm long. This is all so new, and it is so, so tiny, but we are clinging to hope that we will hold this baby in our arms in 8 months.

The highlight of today was seeing the baby's heartbeat. 

As sweet as it was to see the word "pregnant" on the pregnancy test, seeing that little flicker on the screen was a million times more precious. My heart grew three sizes this day!

While I was home visiting family last weekend, my mom and I scoped out yard sales and the swap meet for baby clothes. We know it's way too soon, but for 50 cents a piece we can't be stopped! Plus some of them were really cute! Not pictured are the maltese pajamas and pink tutu onesie from Costco. Those were not in the quarter pile, but we couldn't resist!

Everyone thinks the baby is a girl so we have double the amount of girl clothes. Either way, I have a bunch of friends with babies so these outfits will all get used.

So far my 6 week belly is exclusively bloat from a swollen ovary (a residual side effect of all the fertility drugs that the Dr. says will go away soon.) So no maternity photos yet. But here are a couple pics we took this week:

We just told our family in Ohio the good news and sent a card with this picture.

We saw this hilarious article featuring a husband maternity photo shoot that Andrew just had to mimic this afternoon with a "manternity" session at the pool.

You're welcome :)

bump #68: 2nd beta

Beta #1: 441

Beta #2: 807

Twins would have been amazing, but it looks like a singleton for us this time. Praise God the numbers went up! Now it's another 2 week wait until our first ultrasound on August 1st.

Am I neurotic for taking pregnancy tests every morning to make sure I'm still pregnant?

bump #67: i saw the sign

And the sign was POSITIVE!

8dp5dt     Sunday, July 13, 2014 

Beta test Wednesday, July 16: HCG 441

We are SO excited! And still a little cautious because it's so, so early.

We're keeping quiet for a while (no big announcements on facebook), but y'all are my besties and have been with us through it all, so of course I'm telling you first!

We are praising God for this miracle and not taking one single second for granted. 

THANK YOU for continued prayers for a healthy pregnancy. 

THANK YOU for all of the love, support, and encouragement you have shown us.
THANK GOD for answered prayers.

bump #66: please just one sign

5dp5dt.

Last week I didn't even know what that meant, and now I am frantically searching online discussion boards hoping to find some symptom or sign to relate to at "5 days post a 5 day transfer." So far it's just a bunch of hormonal, whiney women. I suppose I can relate to that.

In the world of IVF, this is my first rodeo and I don't know what to expect. 

It doesn't help that the crinone (progesterone vaginal suppository, ick.) brings a whole host of pregnancy like symptoms with it. Meaning, I can't tell if I have super sore boobs because I'm growing a human or because I overdosed on progesterone cream. Are the minor cramps I'm feeling due to implantation of an embryo, or are they a side effect of the constipation from the prenatal vitamins? Yes, TTC is super glamorous. I would just feel so much *better* if I had a classic sign like implantation spotting (none yet) or morning sickness (not even a little nauseous.) I don't really feel any different, so I don't really feel like it's working.

The beta test isn't until Wednesday, and SDFC never had me come in after the transfer to check my hormone levels, which I thought was odd. It just feels like an even longer 2 week wait, especially with no symptoms. So of course, I'm assuming the worst. This cycle is a flop and we're going to have to do it all over again. Pouty face.

I did stumble across some odd things that women wrote as initial signs that let them know they were pregnant... One lady said she had an aversion to certain smells, specifically car exhaust fumes. I don't know about you, but I don't know anyone who is particularly fond of carbon monoxide smells. Another woman wrote that she had never been so tired in all her life and was experiencing migraines. It turns out, she wasn't pregnant, she was having caffeine withdrawals. Maybe there's nothing much to the signs or symptoms and I need to get over it and be grateful that I feel normal.

Fellow IVFers: What symptoms did you experience? Did you have a 3 day or 5 day transfer? When did you take a HPT? Any advice on how to survive the 2WW?

I am SO grateful for this blog community! I love you girls!!!

bump #65: it only takes one

After extracting 15 follicles yielding 9 eggs that became 7 fertilized embryos, we were left with only 3 blastocysts. We transferred 2, leaving just 1 to freeze for next time.

After all those injections and ultrasounds and stress over what to do if we ended up with a boat load of embryos that's an image! And there is just 1 remaining.

But one is all it takes. So we are grateful for the one.

bump #64: the transfer

This morning was our day 5 transfer of two little blastocysts.

 My amazing mom came all the way down to San Diego to be here for the big day. LOVE HER!!! She was so sweet and nurturing, hovered over my belly talking to the babies. "You can do it. We can't wait to meet you!"

 We were disappointed to learn that the two lower embryos quit growing at the 8 cell stage and we will hear the verdict of the remaining three tomorrow. We are hoping to have 2 to freeze for future use. Prayers please!

 Transfer complete!

And now I'm taking it easy for a few days and hoping for a positive beta on the 16th. My doggies are super excited for a potential new sibling. Maddie thinks it's a girl :)

bump #63: eggs over easy

First of all, THANK YOU!!! Thank you for all the prayers, encouragement, and well wishes you have been sending my way. It is making a huge difference and I am so grateful for all the love! Every doubt and worry is washed away, and it may be the anesthesia still in my system, but I am on cloud 9. 

Our egg retrieval was this morning and it was a piece of cake, or a platter of donuts, as you'll see later.

I went to bed early last night... mostly because I didn't want to eat anything past dinner at 7 and I had nothing else to stay awake for :)  I woke up super excited to get these follicles out and get what's left of my waistline back. I quickly learned that they don't actually take the follicles out; they drain them to obtain the egg and then they fill up with water again leaving me still bloated. Que sera. At least I'll have great bump photos from day 1... "Here I am 3 days pregnant and already wearing maternity clothes!" Awesome. Anyway, we arrived at San Diego Fertility Center at 7:30, filled out final paperwork, took vitals, prepped for surgery, and I was wheeled off at 8:30. Everything was done and we were on our way home by 9:30. I took a zofran pill before the anesthesia and experienced no nausea at all. I woke up feeling like a million bucks. But I looked like this...

I'm quite the fashion plate in this hospital gown get up. It's a wonder Andrew could resist me. Honestly, after putting the hair cap on I burst into a round of "I'm so fancy, you don't even know." Keepin' it classy.

Driving in traffic to SDFC
I'm all smiles at 6:30 am, Andrew is still waking up :)

Our RE, Dr. Kettel, was amazing. I'm sure he especially appreciated me asking if he brought me kettle corn from the Del Mar Fair up the road. #whatdoyouexpectwithanamelikekettel? I was just proud of my restraint in not calling the kettel black.  I like to keep my racist rants to a minimum. At least I made one new friend today... Dr. Lozano, the anesthesiologist. He's my favorite. 

This was our latest ultrasound from Saturday morning. 

Saturday night was the ovidrel injection and with that all the shots are over! Hallelujah! 

 They extracted all 15 follicles, but only 9 of them had eggs. Of those nine, 6 look mature for fertilization.

Today is ICSI and tomorrow they will let us know how many embryos we have. Wednesday is "decision day" where they let us know if our embryo transfer will be on Thursday (3 day transfer) or Saturday (5 day transfer). Here is a break down of what is supposed to be happening each day...

I felt so great after the retrieval that I immediately filled out the patient feedback forms with a glowing review, watched all 4 hours of the Today show, caught up on all my favorite blogs, and sent Andrew on an errand for my favorite donuts after reading about Gourdoughs donuts at Allison's blog.

The retrieval was great and we're hoping our transfer goes just as well. Super excited that my mom will be here for the transfer! I can't believe it's all finally happening! Now back to my donuts!


UPDATE: The doctor just called to let me know that we have 7 fertilized eggs. Yay! Lucky #7 and next week 7-7 is our 7 year anniversary. Perfect!

bump #62: hit me with your best shot

And so it begins...

Am I the only one who finds it odd that our pharmacy doubles as a liquor store? Maybe the alcohol makes it easier, you know a round of shots before your actual round of shots :)

Here's the obligatory shot of "the goods." No pun intended. Andrew and I pick a different "shots" themed song to hum while he does the injections each evening.

Bon Jovi: "Shot to the heart and you're to blame, darlin' you give love a bad name."

Pat Benatar: "Hit me with your best shot."

LMFAO: "Shots, shots, shots."

Bob Marley: "I shot the sheriff."

I gotta say, so far these shots are nothing. The Menopur one stings a bit, but I've been working hard on my muffin top for a few years now and that extra layer of padding has come in handy. I hardly feel a thing! Thanks ice cream and candy bars!

bump #61: IVF + and -

One month until IVF retrieval and transfer!
2 weeks until all those dreaded daily injections.

6 weeks until we know if it worked.

Cue the time machine!

I have never felt so close or so far from my dream of being a mom.  I've also been in this really weird head space where everything feels like life or death. I think it's because it will either work or it won't; positive or negative, 50/50. I'm super on edge and hyper sensitive. I've been on birth control pills for 5 weeks so there may be some hormonal correlation :) This is it! This is our greatest chance at finally starting our family, but it isn't the way I wanted it to happen at all. Obviously I am beyond grateful for technology and that this is even an option for us, but I'm also mourning the loss of a "natural" pregnancy. Even if this protocol works, it hasn't solved the problem. It has just created a loophole the size of a petri dish. Are jokes about petri dishes offensive to IVFers? Oh well, I'm one of them now. 

Maybe infertility isn't a problem to solve and I need to just get over it, but it's still frustrating!

Amidst the frustration, I've created a mental list of pros and cons of IVF. Most of the cons are fleeting (a big 'ol pile of debt, anesthesia, extra discomfort from meds, potential complications, a million doctors appointments). But really, that's nothing. The pros win out every time because the pros are forever.