bump #45: 30 before 30 the infertility edition

I devised a list of thirty things I hope to accomplish by my 30th birthday here. Most of the items on that list are silly, fun things that won't really be that hard to complete. Which got me thinking: What are some of the more difficult things I am facing this last year of my twenties?

No brainer: infertility.
Also moving across the country, but I am choosing to see that as an extended vacation which makes it much less stressful.

I came up with the following list of 30 things I hope to do by the time I am 30 regarding infertility.

#1 : Get pregnant. This will appear on the list A LOT because it is of utmost importance.

#2 : Use up my ovulation predictors and then never buy another one again. Ever. Which is such a shame because if there was an Olympic sport for peeing on sticks I would win it hands down.

#3 : Unsubscribe from all of the spam parenting emails bombarding my inbox with taglines like "Your baby is 21 months old" Yes, if I got pregnant a few years ago when we started trying that might be true. I do not need monthly reminders of the child I am not raising.

#4 : Block (not unfriend, I'm not that mean!) the repeat offenders on facebook who insist on posting thrice daily photos of their littles with the caption "53 and 1/2 days old!" ... "53 and 3/4 days old!" Gag me with a spoon. And yes, your baby is adorable. But come on, really?!

#5 : Stop reading infertility books. At this point I've read enough to last me a lifetime. I should probably write one and title it "Surviving Infertility One Shopping Mall At a Time" {substitute shopping mall with chocolate bar, bubble bath, or tropical vacation.}

#6 : No more attending baby showers or children's birthday parties. I've exhausted all the fake smiles I can muster at these events. That sounds bitter and snotty {and it is} but it's just too hard right now.

#7 : Get pregnant. Let's not forget the main goal!

#8 : Pray more.

#9 : Whine less about my bump-less state... obviously this list excluded :)

#10 : Take vitamins because I don't always make healthy food choices (popcorn, pizza, and ice cream are my main food groups.) Maybe I'd eat better if, I dunno, I was with child!

#11 : Increment healthier food choices (fruit, veggies)

#12 : Do things you can't do if you are pregnant like drink a bottle glass of wine (whine less-wine more!), sit in a jacuzzi for an hour, and sleep in as late as I want.

#13 : Schedule an appointment with an acupuncturist. I've heard good things about this.

#14 : Talk openly about our struggle to conceive. I hate that infertility is a taboo subject, but at the same time, I don't always want to talk about it. I have to find a balance somewhere in between.

#15 : Do something fun (go to the movies, get a manicure, grab a fro-yo, wander the mall) on the dreaded first day of my period each month as a little distraction.

#16 : Get pregnant.

#17 : Research San Diego fertility specialists.

#18 : Start saving for IVF because that is what they'll recommend we do next.

#19 : Trust God's timing more.

#20 : Don't blame "God's timing" for ruining my life.

#21 : Stop basing my happiness on having a baby. We will have a baby someday. It just might be way, way in the future. Meanwhile, I need to focus on fulfilling God's purpose for my life right now.

#22 : Hug my puppy everyday because she is a constant source of comfort and joy.

#23 : Buy stock in the company that makes clomid. Seriously, those guys must make a killing!

#24 :  Get pregnant.

#25 : Try not to cringe when I'm out shopping and I see a girl five years younger than me with 3 kids in a cart and an 8 month pregnant belly. Oh and also she probably weighs less than me, third trimester and all. Ugh.

#26 : Thank God everyday for my husband who puts up with my insanity on a daily hourly basis and still loves me very much... I think :)

#27 : Get a back massage. All that stress can't be good for me. Oh also a foot massage sounds good.

#28 : Establish a better sleep schedule. Says the girl writing a lame blog post in the middle of the night on a school night.

#29 : 2 words - Ice Cream. Lots of it. No remorse!

#30 : Get pregnant. Just because it is on this list 5 times does not mean that I want to get pregnant 5 times this year. It means I want to get super pregnant once.

bump #44: glimmers of hope

I was cleaning out my car this afternoon and found these...

I'm going to risk y'all thinking I'm a crazy person and tell you why I had these binkies in the first place. Two months ago when we were in the middle of our third iui, I found a pacifier on the ground in the parking lot right next to my car. I stepped around it and sat down in the driver seat but before I closed my door I had a thought. My first thought was "eww gross" because those things are full of germs. But then I thought, "hmm. finding a binky seems like a sweet little reminder that perhaps a baby is near and maybe this will finally be our month." You know, like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (except really a filthy chew toy for an infant). So I picked it up {with a tissue} and kept it.

And then a few days later Andrew found a pacifier on the ground right in front of our mail box. Random, right?!  So we started this little collection thinking how crazy it was that we kept finding binkies everywhere we went. Like some sort of strange scavenger hunt.

We were super hopeful that those binkies signified some good news. But a few days later we learned that our 3rd iui failed. And those "good luck" binkies were nothing of the sort. They were just plain, old, yucky binks neglected and forgotten. In fact, I forgot all about them until today. And for the record, I finally threw them away. But at the time they offered some small glimmer of hope. Which makes me think how silly some of the things I place my hope in are.

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."  Psalm 43:5

bump #43: what if

Usually I try to ignore the what if questions, to bury them deep, deep down. But today I want to know...

There are a few obvious answers... we would have babies, more money in our bank account, and a blissful unawareness of just how much it hurts to want something so bad that you can't have. Golly gee that sounds nice.

But in this new year even if it marks our 3rd year of trying to no avail, I want to look at this struggle differently. I want to see it how God sees it, as a growing experience that will ultimately bring us closer to Him.

So I ask the all too familiar question again, what if we never struggled with infertility?

Would our faith be as strong? 
Would we understand what it means to fully trust God the way that we have had to?

There is something incredibly humbling about leaning into God when this life gets to be too much. It is times like these when He is all we can rely on. I wish it was more of a natural reaction for me to trust Him.  Baby steps... oh the irony!

Would I have ever come to know and love, commiserate and celebrate with my fellow bump-seeking blogger buddies?  You, my sweet little handful of readers, always there to build me up when I'm falling down, have become some of my dearest friends. I cannot express in words how much God has used you in this crippling season of my life. Thank you so much for walking this path alongside me.

I am turning 29 tomorrow and am not exactly where I thought I would be. Pretty sure I say that every birthday :) But I know God has a plan and this struggle is somehow part of His larger plan for our lives. So even though it feels like I'm getting old and falling apart, I know God sees this life differently and I want to see it His way.

"So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever."

2 Corinthians 4:16 {message}



bump #42: the numbers meant nothing

Ok. Here we are again at the end of another failed iui cycle. Ugh. This is all too familiar.

Failed.
Again.

Even though all the numbers looked good.  Failed.

Even though there were 5 healthy follicles. Failed.

Even though we stayed mostly hopeful and positive through this whole ordeal.

Failed.

There are still a lot of questions that remain unanswered.

Why?  Why?  Why?

But there is also this perplexing sense of peace.

When we first stepped foot in the fertility center a lifetime ago in March we didn't know what to expect. {Sidenote: there should be a book entitled "What to expect when you're not expecting" or "Expect the Worst" if you want to skip ahead to the sequel} But we had a number in our heads of how many procedures we were willing to try and how much money we were willing to spend. At this point we tried it all and spent it all which definitely makes us a little uneasy and hesitant to move forward with more extensive treatments {so we aren't going to for a while.}  But even now, broke and empty, there is a sense of peace in knowing that we at least did the best we could with what we have, and no matter what, God is faithful.

I could be pregnant right now and God would be faithful.

I am not pregnant right now and God is still faithful.

We failed.  Still He is faithful.

There is a beautiful song called "I know He knows" by Stefanie Kelly that I first heard years ago at a Hume Lake women's retreat with my mom. I listen to it the most during the really trying times like everyday when I question why God doesn't just use his miracle powers for good and bless us with a baby already.

Why God, why?

I don't know why, but I know He knows.

And that is good enough.

And even when it isn't, when my heart wanders and questions Him,

still He is faithful.

bump #41: what do all these numbers mean?

Monday I had bloodwork done and here are the results:

Progesterone:  Ideally should be >20, last month was 25, this month is 56. {I'm thinking the progesterone supplements are working}

Estrogen: Ideally should be >200, last month was only 134, this month is 898 {yes, you read that right. almost 900. Good news: no more estrogen patches!}

I asked what these higher numbers mean and the nurse told me that I definitely ovulated (I would hope so, I took the ovidrel shot to be sure!) and that I possibly ovulated more than one egg (duh, there were like 5 of them, remember?!) and lastly, that my uterine lining is looking good for implantation.

Sounds like all good news, but we won't really know how good until our pregnancy test on Monday. Which is like 5,345,897 days away. Until then, I will continue eating for 6, as per Erika's suggestion :) and hope that there's at least one little munchkin in there. Or a big, fat turkey as the case may be.

And once again, my mom has left me in stitches with her email response to all of this:

"Yayyyy on the high numbers! OctoMom has got NOTHING on You!

Hehe, I am really excited and hopeful. The good news is we will know in a week.

I know every day seems like a year, but it will be here before you know it!

 Ooohhh, I wonder if the high estrogen numbers mean four little ones!? ...Like 200
points each. Maybe we will get four and a tea cup! *

 Just kidding, I can't help but be excited!"

*Sidenote: tiny dogs, like less than 2 lbs, are called "tea cup" size. And if this whole infertility thing keeps causing me grief I just might start collecting little tea cup doggies until I feel better.

Here's Maddie when she was 4 weeks old and could fit inside a tea cup...

bump #40: let's get this turkey basted!

Monday was IUI #3 and we had our highest numbers yet...

Here's hoping that this turkey is properly basted! 

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!

bump #39: 5 follicles

Today's ultrasound {day 11, so still kind of early} revealed two 16 mm follicles and three 15 mm follicles almost ripe and ready for ovulation. Tomorrow I do the ovidrel shot and Monday morning is the iui.  To put it in perspective, the last two iui's I only had one mature follicle, and they say you only need one. But I'm inclined to disagree. So five sounds fabulous to us! Unfortunately it doesn't sound fabulous to the doctor who kept asking me "how tall are you?" and other concerned questions about the logistics of my five foot (on a good day, after stretching) frame carrying two or more babies. He mentioned something about selective reduction (which we're not really into), but when he said that there is a possibility of triplets my eyes got really big and I exclaimed, "THREE BABIES?! Perfect, then Andrew can get snipped and we're done!"  I was mostly joking because I recognize that the likelihood of this working at all, let alone producing more than one, is still minimal. Five potential follicles does not mean that five will release or get fertilized or become a baby. But five is better than one and for a second it was fun to think about.

So after the appointment, I did what I always do; I called my mom and asked what she thought about everything. She was almost as excited even more excited than us. She heard "five follicles" and immediately screams "FIVE BABIES! We need to have a fundraiser! And a diaper drive! Ooh, this is so exciting! You're going to be on the news!" I think it's safe to say someone got her hopes up :)  We know infertility is dismal and our chances are not great, even this cycle, but it's fun to be a little bit silly about it and find something to giggle at. My mom is good at lightening the mood.

bump #38: needles

So part of the protocol for this month's iui is injectables (75 units of follistim per shot) for 3 days. Today was day 2 and the shots haven't been too bad {a little worse than the ovidrel shot, but still not too painful}.   I finished 5 days of clomid and had no side effects, which worries me because that makes me think it's not working. The only thing I've noticed with the follistim is that it makes me sleepy, but I do the shot at night so it could just be correlation not causation. Yawn. 

I have an ultrasound on Friday morning to check on the size of the follicles so until then, who knows if any of this is working?!

In other news, my mom is coming to visit this weekend! {So Super Excited!!!} We will have to do our insemination while she's here, which is totally fine, but perhaps a little awkward for her.

Ok, so when I told her about it, her response was "I am so sorry, I am coming at the worst possible time... you need your "quality time", don't worry though, I'll just turn the tv up really loud."

So funny!

Hopefully I reassured her that she doesn't have to worry about interrupting anything. We're doing iui because "quality time" {normal baby making way} doesn't work for us. But I thought what she said was hilarious, so I had to share it :)

bump #37: stepping up our game

On Friday we met with our RE (reproductive endocrinologist) and OBGYN to conduct an ultrasound, collect bloodwork, and ask a lot of questions about what our next steps should be after 2 failed iui's. The doctors were super helpful and informative, but I learned that in dealing with infertility issues you really have to be your own advocate and do a lot of research on your own. So I did. You would have been so proud of me using big grown up words like luteal phase, uterine lining, and laparoscopy (except I kept saying it like lap-row-scopey and it's lap-uh-ross-cuppy). Ugh. I guess that's the difference between me and med school. The only difference I'm sure.



I will NEVER get used to "scooching" down on that stupid table!
Shouldn't they buy me a steak dinner first? Come on guys, I have standards!

The plan was always to do 3 iui's before moving on to more effective (read: expensive and invasive) procedures. I just didn't anticipate even needing 3 iui's because, duh, the first or second one will totally work. Right. So here we are again.

IUI #3: clomid and injectables

Is it just me or does that sound like the title of a horror flick?

In the past I've only taken a low dose of femara to boost my follicles and an ovidrel shot to induce ovulation with insemination on cycle day 14.  Easy peasy. As far as I know the medications did what they were supposed to, and increased our likelihood of conception, but not enough to make a difference. So for this third and {probably} final iui, we are stepping up our game and I am taking 100 mg of clomid everyday for 5 days and then 3 days of follistim (follicle stimulating hormone) injections. Initially we chose femara over clomid because clomid has a greater risk of multiples which could be complicating for my midget frame. But to that extra chance of twinsies, we say BRING IT ON! We decided to add injectables along with the clomid because they dramatically icrease the chances of success. There was also a voucher reducing their cost, and I'm a stickler for a bargain.  Even with that voucher the cost of this iui is significantly more {like $700 more} than our other iui's, which is why we will probably only do this once and then start selling our vital organs on the black market work on saving funds for ivf in the next couple years. 

There was talk of in vitro, or the "ferrari of fertility treatments" as Dr. Martin referred to it. Which leads me to believe that our past iui's would fall into the not-so-fancy el camino category.

Hopefully this new iui is closer to the luxury category like a Lexus or something.

But an SUV one just in case the clomid works overtime :)

bump #36: another negative

IUI #2 did not work.

Against my better judgement {the last string of sanity that says I sound like an emotional train-wreck and should have grabbed the bowl of Halloween candy instead of the laptop to cope with the devastation} I am publishing this post that is raw and ugly and as negative as every single pregnancy test I have ever taken. Count your fingers and toes and then double it. That's the amount of negativity I'm talking about.  Oh the joys of infertility math!

Suffice it to say that this cycle, this second failed cycle, sent me into a funk that I'm still trying to get out of.

I took all the medicines, went to all the appointments, prayed everyday for a miracle, paid everday for a miracle, and it was all for nothing.

I'm left with nothing.

Well, not nothing... the estrogen patch left a rash on my stomach and turned me into a weepy mess for a solid 2 days. Count your blessings?

I got my hopes up.

I hate fertility treatments because for a split second it seems like the problem is under control, like it's not a losing battle anymore. But it is.

I'm losing it.

Last night in the fifteen minutes I was at Target to pick out my consolation candy bags I passed by 8 pregnant women. The reasonable part of my brain that should have remembered 1 in 8 women experiences some form of infertility and considered that one of them might have had to go through what I'm going through wasn't working. So 8 times I had to fight back tears, take a deep breath, and move on.

I've had to fight back tears, take many deep breaths, and try to move on for a while now.

It's wearing me down.

I usually can see the humor in things, even tougher things, but the only thing remotely humorous about this journey so far is that:
I have pregnacy brain, but without the pregnancy part, meaning I am in a fog most of the time and can't think clearly.
I have gained 12 pounds a lot of weight since beiginning fertility treatments and am still infertile, but am carrying around the extra weight of a hefty baby as a constant reminder of what should be there but isn't.
I experience habitual headaches due to stress about what all these "shot in the dark" treatments and hormones are doing to my body in the long run and, at the same time,
I feel nauseous when trying to calculate how many years it would take to pay off the extensive treatments that are still ahead of me. That nausea, which I can only imagine to be similar to morning sickness, is as close as I am ever going to get to feeling pregnant.

Some consolation prize: If you can't get pregnant, you might as well get crazy, fat, and uncomfortable like a pregnant person. Oh and my moodswings have got to be at least on par with the pregos.
So there's that.

And there's a plan. I know God has a plan for our lives and for some reason it includes all these bumps in this baby-making battle. (Wow, this is bump 36 and not one of those bumps has been a baby. Ouch.) I didn't plan for that.

So what do we do now?

We pray.

We pray that the desires of our hearts would line up with God's will for our lives. I've been praying that same prayer my whole life, and everything always worked out. I mean I always got what I wanted... eventually. But now that simple prayer has taken on a whole new meaning. I might not get what I want, what my heart desires. And I wonder if I ever really meant those words all along. Did I know what I was saying? Can I change my mind and take it back?

No. And if I really thought about it, I wouldn't want to take it back. His plan is greater.

But it still hurts.

Maybe I didn't know that as I prayed that prayer I was actually saying that it's ok with me if God's will is not for me to get pregnant or even to have a baby at all. Maybe instead I was being manipulative and thought that if I just reminded God, ever so lovingly, that I really want to be a mommy more than anything else in the world, that he would alter his will for my life to include that desire.  Maybe this onslaught of negativity on my part is the beginning of me processing that I can't alter his will at all. God is unchanging. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. I praise Him for that. That yesterday, when I was still hopeful and in a way better mood, He loved me the same as He does today when I'm down in the dumps and the worst possible version of myself.  I'm so thankful that His love is the same always.

And today, though incredibly disappointed by our present circumstances, I am still grateful for His gentle reminder that no matter what battles we are facing, the real battle is already won.

bump #35: the balancing act

As fun as walking a tightrope sounds (that actually does sound fun to me) that is not the kind of balance I'm talking about. Today I got to learn about hormonal imbalance. And it's about as thrilling as sitting in an hour of traffic. Which I also got to learn about today. Twice.

This morning I had blood drawn to check on my estrogen and progesterone levels to ensure that I did in fact ovulate and to get an early indicator about any possible implantation. I skipped this test for our first IUI in May mostly because I knew the IUI didn't work (hello polyp) but also because I was vacationing in Mexico. I like that reason more.  Having never done this test before I'm still not sure what my normal levels are but I did some research on the trusty (?) interwebs and found that post ovulation progesterone levels should be above 15 nanograms per milileter and post implantation levels should be above 20. Good news: Mine was 25 :) 
Estrogen levels should be above 200 picagrams per milileter. Bad news: Mine was 134 :( 

Those amounts are not balanced. We've got to up the estrogen.

I never thought my problem would be low estrogen! My husband is nodding in agreement. 

Here's a pic of my lab results

(sorry it's hard to read, don't worry I already gave you the important numbers.)

 The solution to low estrogen levels: an estrogen patch. Off to Costco to fill a prescription.

So now I am sporting a big 'ol band-aid patch on my lower tummy helping level out the estrogen/progesterone ratio and reading about possible side effects of said patch, which is never a good idea. But with the theme being balance, to counteract that bad idea I came up with a brilliant idea. Here goes...

I'm not even 5 feet tall (womp womp) which has it's obvious disadvantages. But one very distinct advantage: When it's dark out, like say Halloween night, and all the neighborhood kids are out trick-or-treating, I can pretty much join in their group and blend right in, capitalizing on my handicap.

There's estrogen in chocolate, right?

I'll be over 200 pokemons in no time! 

{ok so it's picagrams, but I've NEVER heard of that unit of measurement in my life!}

 If you really want to know why I was running around town in a costume today, hop over here!

bump #34: 2 week wait

I read somewhere that we spend almost half our life waiting.  Right now we're waiting half of this month to see if our iui was successful.

Tick tock tick tock. 

Some waiting I am ok with: like waiting in line (even on black Friday) if my shopping cart is full of goodies, or waiting more than 6 months between visits at the dentist, or waiting to eat dessert until after dinner. That last one was a lie. So maybe those aren't great examples but you get the idea.
I pretty much hate waiting.  I may or may not have already pulled out my Christmas decorations and it isn't even November yet but I just can't wait for the next holiday... or the next, next holiday as the case may be.

I am terrible at waiting.

So to help pass the time I have:

- Rearranged the furniture {I usually end up moving it back the way it was before because I am actually not a fan of change, but it's fun to mix things up for a day or two.}

- Shopped online {I don't know how I ever survived before amazon.com.}

- Downloaded books on my kindle {haven't read any yet, but they're there}

- Put up some Thanksgiving and Christmas decor {go ahead and judge me, but we spend most of Decemeber in California with our families so if I want to enjoy spend a bunch of time setting them up only to take them all down a week later all the decorations, I have to start early.}

Just when I was running out of things to do (because cleaning the house never seems to be a priority) I noticed that I was nominated by the lovely Amanda at Genuine Greavu for a Liebster Blog Award.

 It's a little bit like a chain letter, but it definitely fits the "make-time-go-by-faster" criteria, so here it goes!

1.  Why did you start blogging?

I started blogging here about the bumps on the road to TTC because I needed a more productive outlet to work out my thoughts and emotions about infertility. Basically the mall closes at 9 so my "shop your feelings away strategy" was only good for a few hours a day :)  I also love the blogging community and the encouragement I receive from fellow TTC-ers. Blogging is the best therapy. Bonus: it's cheap!

2. What's your biggest pet peeve?

People who double-dip. Germs freak me out!

3. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Pink. Was there ever any question? It's my favorite!

4. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?

Paris. Then London, then Spain. And with a Mediterranean cruise at the end with stops in Italy and Greece. So I guess I would go to Europe :)

5. What's your favorite book?

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee  
I only read it once as a freshman in Highschool, but it had a lasting impression.  I also like the name Harper for a girl because it almost sounds alright with our last name (Hoag) I grew up as Brenda Bing and love alliteration (obviously "brensbabybump"), so Harper Hoag fits the bill.

6. What is the quirkiest thing about you?
When it's way past my bedtime and I'm half asleep but semi-coherent I sometimes speak in a non-sensical, broken spanish saying things like "My cabeza is heavy como el sol." Or "Mis pantalones son too tight. Me gusta spandex." Definitely have to work on my spanish before that mediterranean cruise!

7.  If dreams always came true, how many kids would you want?
Four. If my husband's dreams came true it would be two. We'll have four kids :)
Unless labor really is as awful as everyone says it is. Then we'll compromise with one!

8. What is your greatest vice?
Buying clothes for my dog. Have you seen them? Some of the outfits are really cute!

9.  What is your favorite thing about your husband?
The beef stew he made for dinner tonight is in the running. The boy can cook! 
My real favorite thing about him is how supportive and encouraging he has been as we've worked through infertility issues the last couple years. Neither of us saw this coming and there are days when I am just so completely over it and super negative, but he is always there to listen to and comfort me. We are a really good team and it's because of him, not me!

10. What is your happiest childhood memory?
My happiest childhood memory is more a string of memories. For many years, I would spend every weekend at my grandparents' house where my Grandma taught me to bake, read the Bible with me, played my favorite game of Scrabble with me, and told me all the best family stories. They had 10 kids and lived all over the country, so there are a lot of good stories. Grandma should start a blog! Hearing all those stories is my happiest childhood memory. 

11. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you be?

San Luis Obispo, California where I grew up and where all my family lives. It's also the happiest city in the United States (according to Oprah anyway, and we all know she's the most credible source there is). It's also the second happiest city in the world. Look out, Copenhagen, we're coming for ya!


Thanks Amanda for including me in this Liebster fun! And my apologies to all of my reader(s) for another long post. Hopefully the next one will be short and sweet like "positive!!!" or "Pregnant!!!" Back to waiting... and stew. Yum.

Words of wisdom for today: Eating makes the time go by faster. I keep telling myself that anyway!

bump #33: iui #2

This post might fall under the category of TMI. Or it might be just plain boring.

You have been forewarned :)

With that said, however this whole procedure ends up working out {we won't know for a couple weeks} I want to remember what went well and what didn't for future reference. And if you happen to find yourself considering the intrauterine insemination (IUI) route to pregnancy, perhaps there will be a few helpful pointers.

Here are the logistics, the medications, the costs, and the schedule that we followed:

*All of our procedures were performed at the Fertility Center of San Antonio*

At this point, IUI seems like the best option for us.

I have a fairly predictable 28 day monthly cycle with ovulation usually falling on day 14.

 Andrew has low semen volume (0.6 ml where 1 ml is the beginning of the normal range)

But his sperm count (32 million per milliliter) and motility (80%) are healthy.

The logistics

Everything with fertility treatments is directly related to what cycle day you are on with cycle day 1 being the first day of your period. {Mine was 10.11.12}

Cycle day 5:

Baseline ultrasound revealing a 13 mm follicle on my right ovary

and a 10 mm + two 9 mm follicles on the left ovary

{the follicle holds the egg and at least one of those follicles will grow to be big enough to release their egg for fertilization - this may be general knowledge, but I didn't know anything about follicles until this crash course with infertility. I guess I missed that day in sex-ed!}

Cycle Days 5-9:

Take 2 femara pills at the same time once a day (prescription filled at Costco for generic brand name Letrizole)  This medication helps the follicles mature and ensures that at least one egg will be released at ovulation.

Cycle Days 11-13:

Use ovulation predictors to make sure you don't ovulate early and are able to time the IUI accordingly. 

Cycle Day 12:

Follow up ultrasound revealing healthy uterine lining (not too thick or too thin) and a 26 mm as well as a 13 mm follicle on my right ovary and a 15 mm follicle on my left ovary. There were a few others that were smaller and inconsequential.  A good sized follicle for ovulation is anything above 18 mm so it looks like the right ovary is the winner this month with a fatty follicle.

Cycle Day 12:

After a successful ultrasound showing at least one mature follicle, inject ovidrel shot in stomach (to bring on ovulation in the next 24-48 hours) approximately 40 hours before scheduled IUI procedure. We did this at 6 pm for a 10 am IUI 2 days later.  After the ovidrel shot you no longer need to use ovulation predictors because they will be inaccurate.

Cycle Day 14:

Husband gets up bright and early to perform his "contribution cup" and drops it off immediately (like within 30 minutes) at the fertility center so that they can prepare for the insemination a couple hours later. 10 AM doctor explains that after the sperm-washing {this is another one of those things I was blissfully unaware of, but in my defense, I know they didn't cover this in sex-ed!} there are approximately 15 million healthy, fully motile, usable sperm ready to meet up with my egg. The range that they are looking for is at least 6-10 million, and we were hoping for around 20 million, but 15 million still sounds like a good shot, so we'll take it.

Then the IUI is performed {read about the whole procedure here}. It is really quick, like less than a minute, and then you get to lay down for 20 minutes or so to ensure the sperm stay where they need to be, and think about baby names and what you want to eat for lunch. Really you just want to think about anything other than the 15 million squirmy spermies running amuck in your biznazz!

And then take the rest of the day off to lounge on the couch and catch up on mindless television. If you play your cards right you just might get a foot massage and a fancy dinner out of it too ;)

This is where we're at today. Day 14, post IUI lounging.  But here is what's coming up in the next couple weeks...

Cycle Day 21:

One week post IUI go back to the fertility center for a progesterone/estradiol test. Depending on the results the doctor may prescribe progesterone supplements to help the uterus house the fertilized egg.

Cycle Day 28:

Blood test to {hopefully} confirm pregnancy.

The Costs

Unfortunately mostly not covered by insurance

Procedures

IUI Cycle $975

(including ultrasounds, sperm-washing, and insemination)

Progesterone/estradiol labwork $160

Pregnancy test $80

Medications

We did the lowest dose and least amount of medications involved with iui

femara (letrizole) 2.5 mg  10 pills {the only thing covered by insurance}  $5

Ovidrel shot  $95

So there you have it: the good, the bad, and the spermy of our 2nd IUI.

And now some pictures...

There is absolutely nothing fun or glamorous about fertility treatments,

but that didn't stop me from making it my goal to make un-fertility fun-fertility.

Here's the good luck fertility uniform I wore.

The only adage I could think of was "something old, something new" so I went with it.

And here's my "prizes."

Congratulations if you made it this far! You are my bff =)