bump #94: infertility after baby

I know it's "Earth Day" and all, but our whole world revolves around Ollie :) 

And he just turned 1 month old!
 



 

More pictures here

 

Besides being Earth Day and Ollie month, it is also National Infertility Awareness Week.

 

2 years ago today, I shared our story and finally was open and honest about our struggle with infertility. We were in the thick of it, with 3 years and 3 failed procedures before us, and no idea what was ahead. We often felt hopeless and alone. Nothing made sense and it seemed like it would never end. And to my dear, dear sisters who are in that place today, know that you're not alone. You will get through this, and every single feeling you are experiencing is valid.

I felt broken with empty arms that ached for a child.

 

I didn't know at that time that I would be here today, writing this very post, with my baby in my arms.

Sweet redemption. 

 

But the sting of infertility is still there. Still fresh in my mind and an ache in my heart.

 

You see, our story isn't done. Yes, we have our miracle and we are so, so grateful. He is finally here and our hearts are starting to heal.

 

But what happens next time?

 

Infertility rears its ugly head again.

 

All these questions that wouldn't have crossed my mind before infertility crossed my path...

 

Am I greedy to want another baby in the future?

We were so lucky to get one, shouldn't that be enough?

Are we prepared emotionally, physically, and financially to pursue IVF again?

If I do get pregnant again, will there be the same complications, or worse?

 

I have to consciously put those thoughts out of my mind. I don't want to live in that place of fear.

 

Even in the midst of our overwhelming joy, infertility is still there.

But I don't let it win anymore.

 

I have this tiny, precious reminder that infertility lost.