bump #7: the merry-go-round

Every May my mom helps host a lovely conference for ladies on the central coast called All My Sisters and Me. Up until I moved to Texas, I had gone every year. The conference in always Mother's Day weekend and consists of a yummy lunch, fun time of worship, and thoughtful guest speaker. The most memorable year for me was in 2004, when Sue Haddick was speaking and prophecied over me.

I have to preface this by saying that I don't really understand the gift of prophecy and definitely do not have it myself. In fact, until that Saturday 8 years ago, prophecy kind of gave me the heebie jeebies. I tend to approach a lot of what I don't understand with a great deal of skepticism. I feel the same way about physics. Heebie. Jeebies. :) It's just that I feel like prophecy is one of those things the Bible is referring to when it says "test the spirits..." That being said, when Mrs. Haddick started speaking/praying over me, I knew immediately that her words were directly from the Lord because they pierced my heart and opened my eyes like never before. It was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right time. Only God does that.

May 2004 was a turning point. Not just because of that day, but because I had to make some really big decisions that would shape my future. I was 20 years old. I had never lived away from home. I was struggling with school (Advanced Placement also stands for Academic Probation) had been kicked out of Cal Poly after only one year (Apparently organic chemistry and advanced calculus give me the heebie jeebies too.) I was finishing up classes at Cuesta and had applied to transfer to Point Loma in San Diego. The problem was, I had applied in January and it was May. I still hadn't heard back. {It turns out they hadn't reviewed my application because they never received my medical information. Funny how the tiniest things can be such a hold up. Now it's the rubella shot holding things up. Sheesh!}

All this to say there are many parallels from life in May 2004 to life in May 2012. I have some really big decisions to make. I don't know what happens next. But I'm not 20 anymore, actually closer to 30 (eek.) And instead of wondering if I'm going to get into college, I'm wondering if I'm going to get into maternity pants.

Anyway, if you know anything about my personality, I struggle with patience. In fact, my earliest childhood memory is my precious grama charlene singing "have patience, have patience, don't be in such a hurry. when you get impatient, you only start to worry..." Y'all know the tune!

My patience had run out. It seemed like nothing was working out right and I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. 

This is an all-too familiar feeling recently.

So I closed my eyes and listened to these (sweet southern) words spoken over me and sobbed.

"It's been a fun place in your life where you've gone up and down. Sometimes in places of almost getting there and not quite. The path has been very funny. You could almost say 'that's ridiculous, that's crazy, how did that happen? that's ridiculous.' It's almost like you're so used to things being goofy now, it's just like 'oh brother' You're able to kind of brush it off. But the Lord wants to change that, the Lord wants to turn that thing around. He's saying 'enough already. enough'

He says 'I'm taking you off the merry-go-round and placing you on the path that's straight.

I'm pushing you forward to the path of peace. Where joy has been stolen, I say you get it back.' For the Lord says, 'where those places of equilibrium and stability have been stolen from you, that's not right and I'm coming in and I'm gonna make it right' And where the enemy has said that you've make a lot of mistakes, He says 'not the way I see it. You've made a lot of right choices. I'm going to prove it to you so that you will see what I see and get my perspective on it.' You've been clouded from that and haven't been able to see it like he's seen it. You're going to be in a place to right the wrong, there's some situations where you need to make some stands. You have the strength for it. You think yourself weak, He thinks you're strong. 

I keep hearing "make things right" and the word writing keeps coming to me. With your humor, your gentle, loving humor. And the way you see things with a little twist, almost like "oh, that's funny!" He wants you to write these things down for other people to read and how you see him working in other people's lives. But from the way that lets you see it, from a humorous way."

Sue spoke about several other specific things that came to fruition and I will always be grateful for the encouragement and truth she spoke into my life.

I got my acceptance letter to Point Loma on my way home that very afternoon.
My life changed forever.

In May 2004 these words were about taking the next step, following after Christ as he led me to PLNU.

In May 2012 these words are about finding strength to get through the ups and downs of infertility.  

Funny that she ended talking about writing... it only took me 8 years to start this silly blog :)

In many ways it feels like I'm still in that place of almost getting there and not quite.
Like I don't know where to go from here.
 I'm still on this crazy merry go round.

And yet, God's promises are still true.

Isaiah 40 brings comfort:

"The crooked places shall be made straight and the rough places smooth;
The glory of the Lord shall be revealed."